Patrick2 says: I can really relate to your message, I am so grateful for people like you. I have been tortured by those moments when I lost control, and spanked my daughter. I'm pleased to say that I have gained control over myself, but I still feel moments of guilt for those times in the past. It's really hard when you look at your beautiful child and know that they have no control over what they do, and you have punished them. She's a biter, and a pincher, and a puncher, and a table thrower, and a wall tearer upper! I have patched so many hole in the walls I am now a qualified expert in drywall repair. We can't keep curtains or blinds on the windows. We have gone through 3 dressers because she likes to pull out drawers and tear them up. It's really hard to have company, first because she requires constant monitoring, and second, well its just embarassing to let people into our house and see the condition of our furnishings, which is a problem that is gradually disappearing as our furniture is gradually being taken to the curb. As bad as it is for my wife and I, we also have two other daughters who suffer. We try our best to make their lives as normal as possible, but what is normal with autism? They are very helpful and understanding of the situation. I'm just up looking for advocacy groups in my area. I happened to find your video post, and well it made me feel a little better about our situation when there is so much information out that is just plain discouraging, or frustrating. Its nice to hear from someone who is not trying to make you feel like your missing a cure, or not doing the right things. The reason for my advocacy search is that I am anticipating a confrontation with the school my daughter attends. In past IEP's I have kind of been passive, trusting in their judgements. I have failed to be a good advocate for my child, not realizing our rights, and relying too heavily on their supposed expertise. The fact is, they have no expertise. The school she attend is called the child developement center, which is supposed to be for children with learning disabilities. They have a program there for autistic adults, but nothing for children. Its very disappointing. Recently I found the wrightslaw website and got alot of information there I had no idea about. For instance, if there are viable teaching programs available for her condition, they must provide them under law. Its all a little new to me, and I am trying to get a crash course, and find some advocacy before I have to meet with these people again. recently we have taken her off of risperdal, because of the side effects, and very minimal positive effects. This is causing her to be a bit more aggressive than normal, so we elected to keep her home the past few days to keep a close watch on her. The principle called me yesterday to suggest that we may want to consider a permanent homebased solution. She says they are at their wits end about what to do for her. I told her I really did'nt want to make any decisions about that right now, but I can see that I am going to have to sharpen my wits. They are probably going to try and deny us "in school" services citing behavioural issues. Sorry, I didn't mean to turn this into a book, I really just intended to say thanks for your video, I was really feeling discouraged, and you made me feel better.